1 message
Reply-To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
To: derrel@gmail.com From: Jennifer StoopsDate: Sep 11, 2005 11:34 AM Subject: Hello ;o)
Hi Derrel, all I have to say is WOW.. how did you find me?? You´ve always seem to find me when I need it most!! wierd!! How are you and Courtney?? She must be 17 or so !!??! Well now you have my e-mail adress.. hope to hear from you soon!! Love Jennifer
1 message
Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hello Jennifer,
WOW, I am so glad to be back in contact with you!! If you need me for anything, I am definitely here for you.
I have tried so many times to find you in the Berlin telephone records (which is no easy feat from 1/2 way around the world). I was pretty sure I finally succeeded, but I did not know your situation or how you would react to hearing from me (that is why I sent the postcard). I would love to hear your voice. Is it okay if I call you sometime in the future?
I do not know if you are married, have more children or how things are with you. I feel so close to you, yet I know we have almost 14 years of time apart. It seems like just yesterday to me (and I think of you and Berlin with such happiness). I came to love Germany the last year I was there. I sincerely wish we could have had more time together or gotten back in touch sooner. I have really missed you and my time in Germany.
How are things with you and Emily? I have always felt something was missing in my life and looking at my children, I've always wondered how things are with you and Emily. I am completely open to anything you want to talk about and want to know all about you and Emily (or at least anything you want to tell me). How are you and her? She must be 13 now and I would really like to know about her. I am not sure how deep we can get into this conversation here or what is open and what is off limits, so please let me know.
As for me and Courtney, she has grown into such a beautiful, talented and smart person. She is 16 (17 very soon) and I couldn't be more proud of her. I will gladly tell you all about my family life if you are interested (I have all girls).
After so much time apart, I'm really not sure how to handle being back in contact with you. I am so full of emotions and have so much I want to talk about. I am really excited to be back in touch with you. Above all, I want to make sure we do not lose contact with each other no matter what.
I'm not sure how private your email is or if you have a husband, boyfreind or anyone who would be at all upset about us talking. I do not know what your family knows about us so I am trying to be very cautious here. I do not want to cause any problems for you at all. I hope we can be great friends and I'd love to be able to see you sometime. Of course, we have a lot of catching up to do so I'll leave it at this for now.
Thank you dearly for responding to my postcard. I hope to hear from you very soon.
Always, Derrel
1 message
Reply-To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de> To: derrel@gmail.com
From: Jennifer Stoops Date: Sep 13, 2005 1:40 AM Subject: AW: Hello ;o)
Well Hello!! Again,
I´m not married, have no other children.. just me, Emmilie and my cat Jackson. I didn´t really have much luck in the love life thing. Well I guess thats my destiny..
Emmie is a wonderful, beautiful, very talented (piano, violine) well young almost woman.. yes she´s 13 and loving the teens... ;o) Don´t worry about anyone reading this.. its just me. My mom would freak if she´d know.. she´s afraid of
anyone taking Emmie anway.. that´s my mom.. no other comments nessesary...
Emmie is with my parents most of the time.. I work alot... up to 14 hours a day.. not much time for my princess.. times are hard.. but she loves my dad as her own. She never had a dad, just him. They are like peas in a pod!!
So whats with you?? All girls?? You do make beautiful girls though!! ;o) So, you are married?? Are you happy? I wish I was. Men!!! oh Well.. Why didn´t you contact me when you were here?? Shitface!! sorry but it´s true!! You are right! We have to stay in contact!! I´ve thought of you often!! Really.. Wow 14 years.. I´m speechless.. I really am! Please send me pictures.. I´ll send you some too!!!! I´d love to hear from you soon! Love,
Jennifer
p.s. Emmie does that yucky thing with her elbow like you and Courtney ;o) she always yucks me out with that ;o)
1 message
Reply-To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de> To: derrel@gmail.com
From: Jennifer Stoops Date: Sep 13, 2005 2:44 PM Subject: ooops
Hi me again.. Sorry, I read you re letter wrong.. I´m a little confused.. I guess its all these emotions and the very intense time we´ve had... I thought you wrote you were in Berlin.. I read your letter 3 times now .. ok.. now I git it..
I guess this is harder for me than I thought!! It´s sooo great eo hear from you!!
Thank you!
Love, Jennifer
1 message
Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hello again Jennifer...
I feel just the same way you do...my head is spinning with all of these emotions right now. I am so very happy to
have this special bond between us.
This has never been a secret in my family nor in any of my past relationships. We can openly discuss anything you are willing to share with me about Emmilie. My parents, my wife and my family all know about us and that I have always known that I must be Emmilie's father (I have always wanted to know the truth ever since you called me in 1994 and very sad because I do not know her). I want to be able to share this with my family (my kids do not know yet). Oh, by the way, I have 3 girls here and Emmilie makes 4 (more info to follow).
I know things are different on your end with your family, and I respect that. Whatever you do or don't want your
family (and Emmilie) to know is fine with me. Just let me know so that I can be on the same page with you.
We have a past together and a child together. My first and foremost needs are knowing my child....
Also, I need to know certain things but I cannot jeopardize my family to know. So I need to setup some rules here to
keep my ass out of trouble and not end up divorced and splitting my family up (more info to follow on that too).
First... anything we say needs to be non personal and G rated. Anything else, feel free to discuss on the phone (you
still never told me if calling is okay).
Second.... I do not want to put you into an uncomfortable place so lets first deal with this in a chronological order. I
will only go into territory that you are comfortable with.
Third..... I need know everything about Emmilie. Do not hold anything back... I will not judge you on anything you
have told her and I will not correct or change it... I just need to know.
Forth... everything that I do and send her way will be from this part of her family. It will be OK if you tell her that you
got it for her... (if I cannot speak with her), but Dana will also be helping me pick things out.
I am open to you, but I have to protect my kids and family's feelings. I can handle anything you want to share with
me. Please, I need to know Emmilie.
OK, so this turning into a deep email. I'm gonna stop for now and let you reply to me and tell me if this is okay with you. I have so much I want to share with you and so much I want to ask you. But, I've waited this long, so another couple of emails won't kill me.
I am so looking forward to hearing from you and finding out about the special daughter we have. I do not
know if words can express what I am feeling and dealing with right now...but be patient as I will try.
I hope to hear from you very soon!!
Love, Derrel
1 message
Reply-To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de> To: derrel@gmail.com
From: Jennifer Stoops Date: Sep 16, 2005 3:37 PM Subject:
Hello Derrel,
Ok, to be honest.. I´m alittle freaked!! I´m sure you can understand that! 14 years nothing and all of a sudden the father of my child is back in my life (in whatever way).
To some of your questions: My parents know that you are Emmies father. I
told them when she was 3 months old! Emmie does not know!!!!
I guess my partents knew it anyway.. she had black hair when she was born..
so it wasn´t really hard to see.
I´m glad to be in contact with you again.. I guess I´ve been hinding this past in my heart for a very long time.. I am a little confused. Why now?? why after all this time??
I´d like to see pictures of your children.. I´m curios if any of them look kind of like Emmilie.. ;o) She still has dark hair.. beautiful, long ,thick brown hair! and greenisch eyes-mixed with light brown.. so I guess you´d call it hazle.
I´d really like a picture of Courtney. What names did you give your
children?? TELL ME!!
Emmie is in a private school and doing very well. She doesn´t like Math
though.. I guess she´s got that from me ;o)
I guess I made alot of mistakes in that time. I should have never left Berlin!! But that´s the past and
I can´t change it any more.
To Dana: I don´t know her, but she should NOT be hurt nor any of your children, including Emmilie! I don´t want that to happen!! under no circumstances!
You gave me the one person I would give my life for and she is a very happy (a little spoiled) woderful young girl and I will protect this with my life as my parents will!! I don´t want her hurt or confused in any way. I know these aren´t your intentions!!
I haven´t told my parents that we are in contact again. I don´t really know what they would do.
Please do send me some pictures..I will send you some aswell.
Take care
Love Jennifer
1 message
Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hey Jen,
Is it OK if I call you Jen? I kinda like that.
Well, yes, you are right. This is a little freaky, but I am happy we are back in touch with each other again. I have thought about you and Emmilie a lot!! Really. I spent this entire weekend trying to sort my feelings and deal with all of this...there is sooo much I want to know.
This is gonna be a little weird for a few emails.
Oh, by the way...I know you are curious NOW, so I will tell you about my girls....and I need to be able to find out
about Emmilie .
I can tell this is going to be a long email (think I'm pulling an all nighter here), so I'm gonna split it up and start with
the catching up we need to do.
I only have the one photo you sent me when Emmie was one year old. You and your Mom are in the photo in front of a castle. Emmie looks just like my other daughters at that age (and like me too, but she looks like she has your beautiful face and cheeks). I have treasured and kept that photo as if it were priceless (it is to me). I had a feeling even back then that I had to be her father, but I did not kno what your situation was or why you wouldn't tell me.
I will also be sending you photos (that I need to get scanned into my computer first) of my daughters at different ages. I have some recent digital photos, but they are on Courtney's computer and I couldn't find them. I will have to ask her for them so I can put them on my PC. I will also take some more pictures this week to send to you.
Courtney is 16 and very talented! She has a beautiful singing voice and has won many competitions. She goes to private school and sings at many of her school functions and is in her school choir. She is also very artistic and plays guitar. She is doing great in all of her subjects (except math - sound familiar?).
She has long dark brown hair (that she currently dies reddish-brown) with greenish/hazel eyes (that trait comes from my Mom). She currently has a boyfriend (I gotta watch out on that) and she has been too nervous to get her drivers license (but now she is ready now because all her friends already have theirs).
Of course Courtney remembers you from when she was just 3 years old and we have some home movies from then too. I am so very proud of her. She does not see her real mother (which is actually good), but has accepted Dana as her step-mom/friend.
My second daughter is named Caitlin. She is 6 years old and goes to private school in the 1st grade. She is Daddy's little buddy and we are like peas in a pod too!! We have a lot of fun together (I guess they kinda lose interest in Dad when they hit their teens). She has light brown hair, brown eyes and is starting to look more like her mother (Dana) every year. She probably has a lot of me, but I really do not know who she favors most.
Then there is Cassidy. She is my new baby girl at only 5 moths old. She was born with TONS of dark hair (and I mean TONS). She is starting to look a lot like Courtney did as a baby with big blue eyes (that will probably change) and she already is a lot of fun. She looks just like I did as a baby (I'll send you a photo of me as a baby if you want). I think she is going to look just like Courtney did as a toddler.
I love when it when they are tiny and I have found myself doing the same thing now that I did when Caitlin was a baby....I just can't help but be sad in my heart (and in my mind) because I realize what I missed not being with and experiencing Emmilie when she was a baby. I find myself thinking she had to have been just like my other kids at that age and how much I would have loved to have been a part of it. I love my kids...all of them.
I just could never bring myself to try harder than I did throughout the years to contact you more than I tried. I thought you hated me for some reason, or found someone else or used me, or decided to try to make your marriage work...or, well, I just never knew what happened between us. Being with you and imagining our life together was all that I could focus on when you left Berlin. Losing you was a huge loss for me because we knew you were probably pregnant and I could not understand why you would deny me this. I was devastated for years...and I was afraid....
My kids are spaced apart by some years and Emmilie fits the gap right there in the middle.....16, 13, 6 and 5 months. You see...between Courtney and Caitlin there is a 10 year gap. In those 10 years I have come to realize that my life now is my children. They are what make me, me and my love has made them. I know you understand this because I can here it in your words when you talk about Emmilie. I would never try to take that away from you and I will never do anything to hurt Emmie (or any of my children).
Now...to answer some of your questions. That is where you and I fit in. I know this is new to you and a little freaky...as if 14 years and then all of a sudden the father of your child is back in your life. But, I have actually tried to get a hold of you often. I guess your Mom did not tell you when I would call to try to talk to you. I would call and say "This is Derrel, an old friend in the US" and ask for Jennifer. The last time I called, she said she would tell you. I called back a few days later and she told me she gave you the message, but I figured either you did not want to talk to me or she did not want to tell you. That was sometime in the last 1-4 years. You'd think I'd know, but I tend to lose track of painful memories.
Then there was the short time we got back in touch way back in 92-93 (I think). You had a boyfriend and I was currently dating a girl from Germany. It was really weird. I wanted to be with you and know the truth about Emmilie, but I couldn't and you would not confirm if I was her daddy (I now know you were probably afraid or maybe thought I would interfere). I was really excited when you said you were coming to the US and wanted to see me (even though you had a boyfriend). But, that did not happen and I felt I lost my chance to ever know if I was Emmilie's father. It really hurt me all over again. I just couldn't take that pain again and was afraid to try. I really felt like if it was meant to be then you would contact me or at least let me know.
Fast forward a couple of years.....you called me to ask if Epilepsy ran in my family because Emmilie had taken a fall and bumped her head. I was happy to tell you that it did not run in my family, happy to finally know the truth, stunned that you actually called me and disappointed tthat you had never told me the truth before that. I never was able to get a hold of you after that.
I knew you lived at home and that your Mom never liked me (or maybe the idea of me). I really wish your parents could have met me. If not because I'm sure they would have liked me, at least so they would know Emmilie's father and not fear me.
Not until now when I found you had your own address did I decide to try once again. Oh, and by the way, THANK YOU so very dearly for listening to me and for allowing me to contact you. My heart is starting to heal. I was afraid that you would never respond. I also thought you would be married and if so I just hoped you and Emmilie were happy and that I could get to know her. I am glad that you are not married, but that is just because I know you must be putting Emmilie first and have not found the right person. Of course, I can't help but wonder if you think about me. Who knows? We might have been very happy or we might have ended up divorced (or never even married at all). But, at least I would have known about and I would still be a part of Emmilie's life.
Now that I have found you again, I know I cannot let the past just lie there. I have too many questions and need some information. I love Emmie, she is my child, and I know I still love you too. I am not trying to re-kindle an old flame, but I think you will understand that even though I do not know Emmie, I do know that Love is what made her. And, if for no other reason, I will always Love you for that. That is why this is going to be weird for a while. I feel like I am doing something wrong. Does that make sense?
OK, I am really getting deep here..but I need to know Emmilie. If she does not know me, I can handle that...but I want to know her. I hope that someday she will get to know me (or at least know of me). What does EmmiIie know? Does she think Jason was her father?
Only now as I have gotten older (and more able to handle the truth - whatever it may be) do I realize that valuable time is getting by me and my chance to know my children. I can at least have my child in my heart.
Please Jennifer, promise me you will share this with me and that we will NEVER lose contact!! Even if you meet someone and Emmilie ends up having a step daddy in the future....I will understand and be happy for the both of you. But I don't want to lose the both of you again. In that case I would have to lose you....but please do not stop the contact with knowing my daughter. If she can't know me now...then you are my only hope.
I don't mean to sound desperate...but I am doing something here that I never thought I'd have the strength to do. I am opening myself up for some very deep hurt. It is frightening, but I think I'm mature enough to handle it now and just be glad with any part of my daughter's life I can have.
I don't totally believe in fate (I think we make our own fate)...but I do believe that fate has brought me back to you Jennifer. I truly believe we were meant to have a child together (I thought that before you left Germany), and now I want to find out why.
You asked me why now? This is why. I know we were meant to have this special connection. I am finally able to handle this. I am excited about this and so glad that I may at least be able to share this part of my life with you. Emmilie will always be special to me no matter what. I want to know her...and I want to see where this fate will take me...I am ready for it and I am so ready to do whatever I have to do to be there for her.
OK, wow...this is huge. Consider this email part 1 of 2. I will continue this in another email later today (when I should be working). I don't know about you, but I got really nervous when I did not hear from you after my last email and thought maybe I scared you off or something. I was so relieved when you emailed me. You said "I guess I’ve been hiding this past in my heart for a very long time.. I am a little confused". Are you saying that you really wish we had gotten in touch sooner? I have missed a large part of my daughter's life. Hopefully we can do something about this.
Since I have taken so long to respond back to you, I'm gonna stop for now and continue later today. Please, write me back soon...I am so anxious to talk with you and hear anything and everything I can about you and Emmilie. I hope you are happy and please give Emmilie a kiss for me today - please take care and know that you are in my thoughts.
Love, Derrel
P.S. Do you realize that this is the exact time that we first met 14 years ago? Sep 1991 - !!!
1 message
Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hello Jennifer,
Well, here I go again...part 2 of this HUGE email. I am going to keep this one light hearted and give you a chance
to soak up all of the other stuff.
I am going to tell Dana that you responded to my postcard today. I can hardly wait!! She knows I have always felt a big hole in my heart knowing that my daughter is half way around the world. I am really trying to balance all of this and be prepared for any information I might get that is totally unexpected.
You see...I have had to fill in the missing pieces on my own. What I have come to accept as why we did not end up together or why Emmilie was not a part of my life may or may not be what I thought happened at all. I am ready for the truth...please do not hold anything back. I need to know Emmilie and I need to know the truth. I can take it and I am ready to take it. Please understand, Emmie does not have to know what you tell me...NO ONE DOES. I am completely willing to accept however you want to handle this. If someday I get to see her or talk with her, you will get to approve everything first.
Even if Emmilie can't know me....I would like her to know someday that her Daddy cared enough to find out about her. If you do not EVER want this, please let me know. I will accept only knowing her through you (whether this is now or forever). Knowing Emmie in anyway possible is better than never knowing her at all. You are the one and only person that can ever give me that chance. I will not fail you and I will never do anything to hurt Emmilie in anyway. I will support whatever Emmilie knows to be the truth.
Instead of being afraid of being hurt again, I want to turn this into something positive. I cannot possibly predict the future, but I know it will be blessed and brighter with any knowledge I can have of my daughter and to be a part of her life (in anyway that I can). I know you are a great Mom and I am so proud of you for raising our child.
I know...I keep saying that I want to know Emmilie...you probably get the point by now. But, I have to do this
because of Emmilie (regardless of what the future holds for you and I).
So....Tell me....what does Emmilie like to do? does she get to spend time with her friends? What are her favorite movies, actors, musicians? Does she speak fluent English and German? Does she have dual citizenship (like you)? Also, who does she think is her father or what does she think happened to him? Has she ever asked about her father? What have you or will you tell her about her father? Does she have the same last name as you? How tall is she? Does she/did she wear braces on her teeth? Does she have any medical conditions? Most importantly...is she happy? I am sure with you she is very happy!! Did she look like Courtney when she was little (what you can remember of Courtney)?
Does she watch DVD's? Does she play any sports? Is there anything she would really love to have or any movies I could burn for her and send to you? Could she use a computer? I build all of my computers and my kids computers - if she needs one I can definitely do this for her!! My kids love Spongebob Squarepants (even Courtney, and yes me too). Have you two heard of this cartoon? Does she like it at all? what things from the USA does she like?
What are her favorite foods? What foods does she hate? Can she roll her tongue? - I can and Courtney can't, she hates that I can do it and she can't!! Does she wonder where her brown hair and eyes come from? There is just so much I want to know!!
I know this is a lot to answer...but I feel like I've just started with all I want to catch up on. I could go on for days!!
Once I calm down and feel that I don't have to fear being cut off of information about Emmilie from you...I will be fine. I just want to make up for lost time and be comfortable with the way things have turned out. I will not be mad at you Jennifer for the past. Whatever you may be feeling or thinking about the past, I have already forgiven you for it in my heart. Just knowing you are finally opening up and being truthful means a lot to me. It really does. Tell me whatever you want...and, Thanks!!
I just want you to know me Jennifer. I feel if you really know me you will know where I am coming from and where I have been. What I have done in all this time and how important our daughter is to me (and getting to know her) is all I am trying to find out. The rest will follow naturally
I'll send you some pictures with the next email (I promise). Tonight I have to get focused on Dana and letting her know that you have responded to my postcard. I am not worried at all (so, don't you worry). Knowing Emmilie and what ever you will share with me is the most important thing to me right now. Someday I want to tell Courtney about her sister, but not yet. She may even already know by accident (I'll explain that one to you later if you want). I know she would be so happy and excited, but that has to come later. She loved you very much and is a very loving girl (excuse me, I mean young woman).
Funny, but I never knew back then when I was a single parent for so long, that you too would be living a life a lot like mine. It sure makes us grow up and live our lives through our children. I am so very lucky to have had you in my life and for the chance at getting to know Emmie through you!
Please take care Jenny!
I Hope to hear from you soon!
Love, Derrel
1 message
Reply-To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de> To: derrel@gmail.com
From: Jennifer Stoops Date: Sep 22, 2005 4:53 AM Subject: E-Mail schreiben an: IMG_0052
Hello again,
I´m sure you will be looking at the picture from Emmie first!! as soon as youre done, you can read this ;o) isn´t she beautiful?? you wrote that Courtney sings very well.. so does this babe!! She has private lessons and I get goose bumps everytime she sings!!!
She loves Tennis: private lessons Piano and Violine : also private lessons She loves talking on the phone with her friends.. she got that from me !! She has 2 Rabbits, 6 Guinipigs, a dog (poodle) and Fish in the back yard. Her animals are VERY important to her! She loves animals especially Dolfins are her favorite.
As I´ve told you... the only father she´s ever known is my father. she dosn´t think Jason is her father(she dosn´t know him) nor does she know about you. I do not want to tell her just yet to be honest.. she is 13 and I don´t want to mess up her head!
I know she will ask me soon and then I will tell her everything!!
She asked me once when she was about 5 and I told her her father is in the US and that was the end of the discussion.
Does she look anything like your other daughters?? This is a wierd sentence for me... asking someone I havent talked to in years if my daughter looks like his OTHER daughters... wierdness....
Well, I hope you can send me pictures of her half sisters (also wierd) so mabe someday I can show her these..
I´ll write soon about the other things..
Love Jennifer
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Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hello Jen,
THANK YOU!!!
I am completely speechless.......I had to leave work for a while because I became so overwhelmed. Emmilie is beautiful!! I see the two of us in her...I was right!! She has your beautiful cheeks and face...and she has my eyes and complexion. I am looking at the both of us in our child and I can't believe it!! Jennifer, she is so beautiful that it makes me cry. I see you and I see me. I wish I could go back in time so that I would not have had to miss one day of her life!!
She looks more like me than any of my other children (to me that is). Thank you and I love you for this!! I truly do. Please do not feel that I am trying to win your heart , I just want you to know that I honestly love you for sharing this with me. Our love made this child and you have been lucky enough to have it for 13 years...you have always had a piece of me with you. I am just now getting the chance to be a part of what has been missing in my life for so long. Thank you dearly.
Please understand, I am also very saddened, but I know I will get past this. THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.
I have so much more I want to find out. I have a LOT of questions. I can hardly wait until the day comes that
Emmilie knows about me (us) and I can meet her (hopefully, if you will allow).
You won't believe this....... Courtney takes tennis lessons... Courtney takes voice lessons... Courtney speaks German (she took 2 years in H.S.)... My Mom and Grandmother both played Violin for many years! Courtney talks on the phone with her friends constantly... She has had Rabbits, Guinea pigs, Hamsters, Mice, 3 Cats...she loves animals (just like my Emmilie)... And....Courtney and Emmilie look so much alike...I'm gonna want pictures at all stages of Emmilie's life.
I love her so much and she does not even know it (or me). This makes me so sad, but I never wanted it that way. I do not know whatever happened to us Jen, but I know I need to know my daughter and my family is now much greater. I hope someday I can have the opportunity to share this feeling with my parents, grandparents, sister...you get the picture. They have always known about me possibly being Emmilie's father, but I think nobody believed me since I never was told anything for sure. I want you to know that she means as much to them as any of my children. You, your family and Emmilie will always be blessed and welcomed in my family.
I want to tell Courtney soooooo badly, but I will wait. I know she would be so excited to know she has a sister that looks so much like her and has so much in common. But, she would want to write Emmilie or talk with her, meet her or something. Courtney is so friendly and makes friends instantly...I don't think she would feel weird about it at all. Maybe someday Courtney can email you and talk with you first if that day should ever come (I so dearly hope so).
I have to get outta here (leaving work)....but there is so much I want to say. I want to hug my baby...I'm definitely buying something special for our girl....you can give it to her when you feel the time is right.
I WILL SEND PICTURES TONIGHT - Thank you - I hope we can all get together someday in the future.. Oh...it's time to go...I will email you again tonight...I know I will be so excited and up all night!!! Until then...... Always,
Derrel
1 message
Reply-To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de> To: derrel@gmail.com
From: Jennifer Stoops Date: Sep 23, 2005 7:14 AM Subject:
I´m glad you´ve finally seen Emmie( she likes to be called Emma from her friends, but I just can´t get used to
that.. Oh god , I´d love to see pictures of Coutney..and have the video from that time!!
Emmie has braces in her moutn, by the way, thats why she isn´t réally smiling there ;o). you wont believe me, but I first wanted to call her Caitlin.. now thats wierd, huh?? You having two girls with the same name....I´m glad I didn´t.
Coutney and Emmie being so much the same is VERY strange.. But it´s nice.
T´he other pics I have from her are all "normal" pics.. I´ll try to get them on my pc..which by the way she´s
great in... my dad tought her everything and she can probably teach me... ha ha
I´d love to have some pics from you too... I´d like to show Emmie someday and I want to see the man I loved
so dearly and gave me my princess..
PLEASE SEND PICS!!!!!
I´m going to Valerie tonight... she made her Doc. and I told her ( shes the only one that knows) that we have contact.. Hi from her by the way.. she is the only one that knows you and is very happy and understands me and you (wit´h the different situations? You do remember her don´t you??
ok. I quite for now Until you send pictures ;o) Do I have to bribe you????? hurry please!!
Love always
Jen
p-s here a few more.. Emmie with her dog XXXXX and my mom and a few from me
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Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hello Jen,
OK...check out the pictures first (I know you will) - then come read this ;o)
WOW...You and Emmilie's pictures are now up on my desk with the rest of my family. Everyone at work
thinks I'm pretty weird (what with a wife and past girlfriend - but once I explain the situation, they get it).
I do remember Valerie...in fact I was just talking about her last night to my Mom. Tell her I said hello and congrats on her Doc. I remember when I talked to her after you left Germany to find out why you didn't want to come back. She did not know why, but she must have seen I was terribly heart broken....she probably remembers that.
Valerie is also in one of my videos dancing with you (from when you, I, Valerie and my friend Jim went to some club downtown). It is a very short clip. She must be a great friend to you. I am so happy that you have someone to talk to about all of this. I am glad that she remembers me too. I know this must be a lot for you to deal with on your own and it really helps to have someone to tell how you feel. Please feel free to show her our emails....you need to be able to share our thoughts and feelings. I think we should save our emails for Emmilie to see someday if you want. I would like her to know how much I have always thought of her and cared about her Mommy.
I have been talking with my Mom every day...she thinks Emmilie is beautiful. She is right you know!! My Mom is great and she is so happy to see pictures of Emmilie. She lives in Missouri and I sent her the pics within 5 minutes of getting them from you. She has already told me that you two are welcome to come visit or stay at her house anytime (shes so nice). She even sent the pictures to my sister. My Mom loves seeing her family and we all get together and visit at least 2-3 times a year (my family is spread out all over the US).
Last night when I showed the picture of Emmie to Dana, she started to cry. Dana was so happy that she finally got to see what Emmie looks like. All she could say was "Now that is your daughter." She completely understands and I'm shocked. She is the only woman who has understood that there is a piece of me that is reserved for someone else. Please understand this Jen. You have brought so much happiness into my family and I can never say thank you enough. When I think about it I kind of feel robbed. But, I am so happy right now....it will be years before I calm down.
So Emmie goes by Emma? Well I kind of like that, it sounds like she is starting to find herself and become more independent. I have so many questions right now flying thru my mind that I can't keep up. Like what kind of other pictures do you have? What age is Emma in the picture (it looks recent)? Can I see her long beautiful hair? Are her friends kids that you trust? God so many questions so little time.
When? When and When? I do not want to rush you into anything you are not ready for. Last night I wanted to show Courtney the picture that you sent me. I felt like it was Christmas and I had to wait for the kids to wake up so I could watch them open their gifts. I have this explosion of emotions and joy that I cannot share with Courtney yet. I don't feel I can tell her about Emma until I know that she can write to Emma (or you). I just know that the second I tell her she will be so happy and excited that she will want to write her that moment. I will wait for now.
Wow...I've been writing this email all day (between work)...I'm gonna stop now and send you some quick pictures I took this morning. Tonight I will be scanning and sending you photos of my kids at different ages.
Always, Derrel
1 message
Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hello Jen,
Thank you so much for the pictures of Emmie....please keep them coming!
I am so very happy to see our beautiful daughter...I just cannot believe how much she looks like I did as a child. I do not know how much of me you know is there, and I'm not trying to brag....but it is incredible how much she reminds me (and the rest of my family) of the exact same facial expressions and features that I had as a child.
It is as if I know Emmie already....that is the only way to explain it. I know I don't, but I actually feel as if I know her through myself (if that makes any sense). We are so excited that you are allowing me to have this chance to know Emmie....THANK YOU.
I have scanned some pictures of Courtney and Caitlin for you to have and see what Emmilie's half- sisters look like. I do not know what Emmilie looked like at younger ages (PLEASE SEND PICS), but we'd love to see and compare. I thought you might like to see Courtney at different ages also. I have already noticed that Emmilie and Caitlin seem to have the same eyes.
I've also included a baby picture of me and a few more of me for you to have and show Emmie someday. Did Emmie look like me as a baby? Cassidy looked a lot like me as a baby and is quickly turning into a little Courtney. I will scan some more and take some recent photos to send you later this week.
All of the pictures have descriptions with them, so I won't go into the details here.
Hope to hear from you soon and please do send more pictures of Emmilie, answers to my many questions and anything you might want to share with us. I have so much I want to find out about Emmie and I hope to be a part of her life someday.
Thank you for giving me and my family this wonderful experience!!
Please give Emmie a big hug for me if you would.....it will ALWAYS mean more to me than you know.
Love,
Derrel
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Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hey Jen,
I almost forgot....I'm going to convert the home video from 1991 of Haloween when Courtney was almost 3 years old. It will take me a little time to edit it and upload it to the PC. I will also be converting it to DVD to keep forever.
I need to know...is DVD okay for you? If I put it on DVD it should work anywhere (or on any computer), but if I put it on video tape it will probably only work with North American VCR's. Please let me know and I'll get this done for you.
Thanks again and hope to hear from you soon!!!
Always,
Derrel
1 message
To: D S <derrel@gmail.com>
Hi Derrel, DVD is ok for me.. I also still have an american VCR, but DVD would be better if it isn´t any problem.
I talked to my mom last weekend... tell you about it soon..cause I´m at work.
My notebook kind of killed itself.. I can´t see anything but black on the monitor.. so my dad is trying to fix it.. soooo I don´t have any other possibility to write exept here when I have time..
Thanks for the pics you have a beautiful family!!
Jen
> --- Ursprüngliche Nachricht --- > Von: Derrel Stratton <derrel@gmail.com> > An: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de> > Betreff: oops...I forgot > Datum: Mon, 26 Sep 2005 04:32:52 -0500
> > Hey Jen, > I almost forgot....I'm going to convert the home video from 1991 of > Haloween when Courtney was almost 3 years old. It will take me a little > time > to edit it and upload it to the PC. I will also be converting it to DVD to > keep forever. > I need to know...is DVD okay for you? If I put it on DVD it should work > anywhere (or on any computer), but if I put it on video tape it will > probably only work with North American VCR's. Please let me know and I'll > get this done for you. > Thanks again and hope to hear from you soon!!! > Always, > Derrel >
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1 message
Reply-To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de> To: derrel@gmail.com
Hi Derrel,
I´m still very confused! I´m worried about my baby!! I don´t want her hurt in any way.. no matter what and I don´t want her confused! She has such a wonderful life and is such a happy young woman and I wont change that!
I need to be sure that you feel the same way.. this is my main worry!!!!!
I will send you more pictures, as soon as my PC is ok again.
She looks like you very much! I was shocked! Emmie looked just like you as a baby! and the pic where your a little older ... I have one where Emmie has exactly the same smile.. I think Coutney looks more like her than any other of your children. Especially the one sitting on the bed!!!! But they have different eyes and cheeks.. Emmie has mine!! ;o)
Well I´ll get this off to you!
Love,
Jen
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Reply-To: D S <derrel@gmail.com> To: Jennifer Stoops <j.stoops@gmx.de>
Hello Jen,
First and foremost, I am definitely in agreement with you. I do not want to do anything that will interfere with
Emmilie's life or confuse her in anyway. Please do not be confused about this.
These are not my intentions. I care about her AND you, not just Emma. You are both so very special to me and I know that she has a great life and is a very happy girl. I would never do anything to jeopardize this!!! She is a beautiful, talented young lady with a lot of potential. I'm sure that whatever you and your family do is always with her best intentions in mind.
As I said before....I am willing to handle this however you want. Anything we send, do or say will be through you. You will have full control over everything. Emmilie has been your child for the past 13 years...she is comfortable and happy with her life and this is what she knows. I am so very proud of you for raising her and for all that your family has done for her.
Even if she can never know me, I just want to be able to know her and have her in my heart. I am so glad to finally know about Emmie and I thank you for sharing our daughter with me and my family. This means more to me than you will ever know.
I would never take Emmie from you or allow anyone to take her from you. A child belongs with her mother ALWAYS. The only reason Courtney is with me is because her mother did not want her. She calls her daughter maybe twice a year and has since left another man with a child (she is such a loser - poor Courtney has come to accept that her mother is just this way). Apparently having children interfered with her lifestyle, but that is her choice....I have never forced anything to be the way it is.
I have one question for now; did your conversation with your Mom put this thought in your head? If so, it hurts me that anyone might think that I am so cold hearted. I am not this type of person and I just so dearly want to know Emmie and hope that someday she can know her Daddy. II never wanted things to be this way, that is just how fate turned out.
The only way I could possibly imagine being able to see Emmilie on a daily basis is if the both of you moved
to the US or if I and my family moved to Germany. This is not an option, so I do not even think about it.
Please understand Jen, I just want to know Emmie. It would be great someday if she could know me and know about her sisters. I would never want her to be anywhere without her Mother or your family. You and your family are all that she knows and I only hope someday to be able to give her a bigger family.
I am so glad to have this opportunity and piece of me will always love you for doing this. I knew that Emmie must have looked like me as a baby because she reminds me so much of when I was a child. I am including some more photos of my children including our new baby. We think Cassidy looks a lot like me as a baby and maybe you could tell me if she looks like Emmie did as a baby.
Just so you know, I could not hold back from telling Courtney anymore. Last night Dana and I had a talk with her and told her about me and you and how we (you and I) have a daughter together. She was so happy to hear about and see her sister Emmie. She could not believe the things they share in common!!!
She wanted to write you and Emma, but I told her that would have to wait a little because now was not a good time (and that Emmie does not know about any of this, or me). So she went to her room to think and wrote Emma a poem that she hopes to send her someday. I would love to share it with you and I wanted to know if it would be OK for me to send it to you.
I am not very good at reading poems (if they do not rhyme, then I'm lost), so I had her read it to me. I loved it and it spoke to me about just how she is feeling. I also know that deep down inside she sees that being in contact with you and getting to know Emmie has really brightened up my life.
I wanted to tell you this and let you know how excited Courtney was....I was so afraid to tell her, but she handled it so well. She called her boyfriend and all of he